Comedians in Hunterdon County and Surrounding Area

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New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year again when, as much as we say we won't do it, our mind navigates toward the question of "what do I need to do better this year?"

When you're a parent, there is no shortage of answers and depending on how many offspring units you are the proud proprietor of, those answers could keep coming to you faster than one of those news tickers at the bottom of the CNN screen.

For me, it always comes back to the same thing: patience. I am short on it and getting shorter. Things seem to be heading in the wrong direction.

I am convinced that there is a leak somewhere in my brain where patience is supposed to be stored and never quite makes it. I know because as I simultaneously am losing my patience, I can feel it drip down into my shoulders where it hardens up and accumulates in my neck.

This year I am resolving to be more patient. Should be easy enough, right? I mean last year I resolved to get more haircuts and look less like Adam Sandler from "The Wedding Singer". That turned out relatively ok.

Thankfully, we have the Internet that can tell us how do anything, even if we didn't realize we had to be taught how to do it in the first place. (Seriously- Google "How to breathe" - it's there!).

According to WikiHow.com, first, I have to figure out and list what makes me impatient. Why don't we just condense the Constitution into a Tweet while we're at it? Nope - not enough room in this article, the Internet actually, for that list. Let's just skip that step.

Next, I'm directed to keep a journal for one or two weeks and "whenever you get that rushed feeling and the sense of impatience, write down whatever it is that feeling is associated with… Make sure that you take notes consistently and consecutively each time the feeling occurs." Honestly, I don't think I can write that much that fast for that long. It would be easier to just pinch myself each time. I think that might be less painful.

In terms of eventually overcoming impatience, apparently progress is directly related to my ability to clear my mind and relax. Relax. Right - I think I remember that. It was a Tuesday….in 1998, no wait, 1997. I'll have to give that a go, again.

The next few pointers are all directed at changing my thoughts and attitudes:

"Remind yourself that things take time." Yes, I know. I didn't realize that getting a family into a car took 30 minutes. That's what triggered my impatience last time!

"Remember what matters." My sanity and hence my resolution.

"Always remember that you will eventually get what you want." Ok, that's just silly talk. I don't have patience for that. Not one bit.

"Always have a positive outlook in life." I don't know what to say about that without sounding negative.

"Expect the unexpected." If I expect the unexpected it automatically becomes expected and I really shouldn't expect it then, right?

"Give yourself a break." Now, there's one I can get behind.

I'm going to start my resolution to be more patient by taking a break. I knew this wasn't going to be that hard, after all.

Marc Kaye is a writer, comedian, songwriter and marketer who would gladly trade in writing about every single thought that arises in his head for some serious athletic skills. You can find out more about Marc at www.marc-kaye.com and follow him on Twitter @MarcKaye1.

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